Blacking Out to Avoid Yourself

Blacking Out to Avoid Yourselves

What no one tells you is that sometimes you don’t black out because you’re out of control. You black out because you’re trying to stay in control—of what you’re feeling, of what’s coming up, of who you’re afraid you are.

When you're nineteen or twenty, you're not just partying. You're standing at the edge of your future. You're being asked to make choices: about who you are, what you care about, what kind of life you want. That’s terrifying. It’s easier to disappear into the music, the cups, the crowd.

Getting wasted isn’t always about having fun. Sometimes it’s about avoiding the voice in your head that’s asking: What if this isn’t who you want to be?

So you drink past it. You laugh louder. You forget on purpose. You tell yourself you were just being young.

But every time you do that, you push the real you further away.

There is no shame in being afraid of becoming yourself. But you don’t find yourself at the bottom of a bottle. You find yourself when you stay present long enough to face what’s hard, what’s uncertain, what’s still forming.

So next time the voice comes—when you’re about to take the drink that takes you—pause. Not to prove anything. Just to check: Are you drinking to enjoy the night, or to skip the mirror?

You don’t have to be fully sure of who you are yet. But you deserve the chance to become that person—not black out before you get there.

If you're reading this and something resonates, talk to someone. Call 988 to speak to someone who will listen without judgment.